My healing process

for the most part my healing process has taken leaps and bounds over the 2 years. Every once and awhile this dark cloud will surface and all will seem numb. It never last long and though I talk with my Wife about my feelings, I still feel she really doesn't understand. I'm approaching 43 years of age, black male and still today I just feel as if most people just don't get it.

You are so right. Many folks, including those closest to us sometimes do not get it, but it doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about us. Some of them simply don't know what to say or do with someone who's experienced sexual abuse. However, I have personally found it more comforting and easy on myself and them to discuss this part of my life with other sexual abuse survivors like you are doing here. They can relate more to what you're going through and tend to be more understanding...Now, this is not to say forget about talking to others about our experience, and I know we would prefer to share the most personal parts of our lives with our spouses & those closest to us, but they may not be ready or even capable at this point of understanding what we are goint through. Therefore, you may have to share a little at a time with them until they are ready to understand and respond to more information from us. Also, if your spouse is open to doing so, she can go to a sexual abuse support group as a visitor to understand more about what you're experiencing (list of support groups is under "Resources for Healing" tab of blacksurvivors.org). Or, you can give her autobiographies of sexual abuse survivors to read (also under "Resources for Healing" tab). If neither of these work, you can also introduce her to a movie that talks about the sexual abuse experience like "Antwoine Fisher," "Precious" or almost any of the other Tyler Perry movies. There are many more movies that both overtly and subtle talk about sexual abuse. You can determine which one she would most be comfortable with. However, don't say, "I would like to show you a movie/book, etc about sexual abuse." Just show it to her, then at the end ask her her thoughts about the movie or book and tell her that you have the same feelings as the author/character. Sometimes people need to see someone else's experience in order to be able to understand what you're going through....And lastly, sometimes I will actually relate the trauma of sexual abuse to a personal trauma that they have had because sexual abuse survivors experience PTSD and people can experience PTSD from other traumatic events in their life like the loss of a child or other death in the family. It's all about HOW you say it to them & make the comparision. Remember, you're not saying that the traumas are the same, but what you are saying is, "Dealing with this sexual abuse thing is hard for me, just like you have had some serious hardships in your past. I'm not trying to say one pain is greater than or less than the other, but I am trying to explain how intense this pain is so we can continue to be there for each other through each other's hard times."

Moving forward wrote:for the most part my healing process has taken leaps and bounds over the 2 years. Every once and awhile this dark cloud will surface and all will seem numb. It never last long and though I talk with my Wife about my feelings, I still feel she really doesn't understand. I'm approaching 43 years of age, black male and still today I just feel as if most people just don't get it.

This is a huge step for me to post my personal information but I'm so glad I did. Thanks Admin for such encouraging words. I will definitely seek out other resources to assist me in this journey.