Surviving Abuse

I am new to this board, so first I will say hey.

I am not a survivor of sexual abuse, but more I lived a life full of sexual abuse victims. Let me explain why I say victim.

Recently, my world changed when I found out that my family held a seceret that could shake our world. Short version my young teen cousin got pregnant and it opened the doors to abuse. She was rapped and sexually abused at the hands of my grandfather, but turns out this happened to my mother and 2 aunts, and it happened to him and many more family members down the line. So where does the violence stop? I am confused with why they didn't talk about this with us or try to heal themselves and become survivors. To them it was always "What happen's in my house, stays in my house," and they even took this model into their own parenting. That is my issue, when is it time to take that saying and throw it away. So much could have changed if we would have known. I mean there are over 24 girl counsins in my family, what if it happened to more. My childhood was not the best because my mother has been running from abuse her whole life and still doesn't know how to stop. She married earlier but couldn't keep it together because to her she is still running from her father, but she doesn't even know it or try to see it. But anyway. I am student, currently working on my masters in counseling, which is why my family says this is a bigger issue for me than them. But yes it is a problem. I spend my time researching other issues when issues are right at my door. But, I am interesting in travelling across America in order to do research on generataional sexual abuse in African American families, but I am not sure if people will be open to talk about it. What do you think? The research is mainly to put a eye on what goes on when the saying is "What happen's in my house/..." I think people need to know what results from sexual violence and they need to know from the mouths of survivors. Yes there is statistics, but never a face. Think about how many people are out there still in this generational abuse. I refuse to let the abuse go on in my life, therefore I am interesting in making a change.

Hi, just getting caught up reading, you will find the answers you need.

I think I am from the beginning of the generational abuse cycle that is growing, only no one is talking.

You will find folks that are not ready yet, but KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.

Santacruz1997

Sorry for the late response. I tend to write long responses, so please forgive me in advance.
First, I applaud you for digging into this taboo subject in the black community. I hope you persue it for your thesis. A few years ago, I put a call out on different sexual abuse blogs to interview black sexual abuse survivors and the response was overwhelming, so that's a good place for you to start if you want to do additional research and find folks willing to share their story. You can do a Google search for "sexual abuse blogs" or "sexual abuse support groups." There's quite a few on Facebook too. Also, put a query on "HARO." Google the term and the HARO Web site will pop up. And you can post a general announcement on our Bulletin Board link that you're looking for people to interview. And finally, if you haven't already, check out the stats on black sexual abuse survivors under the "Sexual Abuse" tab on our main site www.blacksurvivors.org ..Regarding your family situation, it's very common for sexual abuse to be a secret in families because of shame. However, as you can see, it is a problem that effects the entire family even those who haven't been sexually abused. This is called "transgenerational trauma." One of the main reasons I started this site and also teaching workshops on sexual abuse is because of people like your family members who said, "yeah I was sexually abused, but I'm over it." I found many of our brothas & sistahs in denial because they would say this even though they were still practicing unhealthy coping mechanisms like: overeating, drugs, financial mismanagement of money, unhealthy relationships, to name a few. How can you make a change? Start by considering these options: volunteering with a sexual abuse org like RAINN or Stop It Now! They both need volunteers for their hotlines; explore the subject of African-Americans & sexual abuse for your thesis; public speaking about sexual abuse in the black community; start a support group for family member of sexual abuse survivors (like AL-ANON). However, don't be discouraged if your family doesn't INITIALLY support you or gets angry at you for doing this. Sometimes seeing a family member like yourself take action will give the other family members the courage to eventually come forward & seek help...Let us know how you make out. I applaud you for being so courageous!!!

taye24 wrote:I am new to this board, so first I will say hey.

I am not a survivor of sexual abuse, but more I lived a life full of sexual abuse victims. Let me explain why I say victim.

Recently, my world changed when I found out that my family held a seceret that could shake our world. Short version my young teen cousin got pregnant and it opened the doors to abuse. She was rapped and sexually abused at the hands of my grandfather, but turns out this happened to my mother and 2 aunts, and it happened to him and many more family members down the line. So where does the violence stop? I am confused with why they didn't talk about this with us or try to heal themselves and become survivors. To them it was always "What happen's in my house, stays in my house," and they even took this model into their own parenting. That is my issue, when is it time to take that saying and throw it away. So much could have changed if we would have known. I mean there are over 24 girl counsins in my family, what if it happened to more. My childhood was not the best because my mother has been running from abuse her whole life and still doesn't know how to stop. She married earlier but couldn't keep it together because to her she is still running from her father, but she doesn't even know it or try to see it. But anyway. I am student, currently working on my masters in counseling, which is why my family says this is a bigger issue for me than them. But yes it is a problem. I spend my time researching other issues when issues are right at my door. But, I am interesting in travelling across America in order to do research on generataional sexual abuse in African American families, but I am not sure if people will be open to talk about it. What do you think? The research is mainly to put a eye on what goes on when the saying is "What happen's in my house/..." I think people need to know what results from sexual violence and they need to know from the mouths of survivors. Yes there is statistics, but never a face. Think about how many people are out there still in this generational abuse. I refuse to let the abuse go on in my life, therefore I am interesting in making a change.