Wishing to be a Normal Woman

I am so glad I found this site. I am a 26 year woman who unfortunated was sexually abused 3 separate times at agaes 9,13,18. These traumatic events in my life all occured with men that I knew, a cousin, mother's boyfriend and aquaintance. I have always been the type of person to deal with my own problems, but truth be told, they have controlled my life more than anything. I don't trust people, especially men. I have very low self esteem and I hate having a low sense of value for myself. No matter how I try to improve myself, both personally and physically, I still don't feel beautiful. I feel people can see my ugly secrets and they make me feel so uncomfortable.
I am hoping this site will help me meet other women and/or men who definitely understand the effects sexual abuse has on you, especially when you endure it as a child. I hoping to just get some support to help become a survivor and not a victim anymore

Hi,
I know I can certainly relate to where you've been. I spent years feeling ugly on the inside, reading every self-help book and watching every self-help talk show hoping to be fixed. It didn't work. In large part because I still had a victim mentality, which is what happens to people who were sexually abused as children. When you grow up, you still carry that victim mentality and it causes you to lose friendships and be distrustful of people. Took a long time to realize that was the issue, but when I did, became really agressive about my recovery. I used a combination of various things, which you will see in other posts in this group. But to summarize, I found great success with therapy (and yes, there are really good ones out there), support group and using several energy healing techniques, including hypnotherapy and Amanae (which you can read about here: https://blacksurvivors.forumotion.com/share-anything-f2/my-amanae-session-t27.htm). However, I am glad that you found this group and I hope that you will get more responses. I have found that it is impossible to heal from sexual abuse alone. I've tried it and have been working with sexual abuse survivors for so long, that I know that to be true. It's going to take time to heal, but it is possible to heal and live a happy life. Me and so many other sexual abuse survivors are proof of that However, it will definitely require patience and action. All too often I see sexual abuse survivors give up after one try. If you keep using all the tools you have for healing, and remain open to the process (VERY IMPORTANT), you will start to see real progress. Hang in there girl! You have definitely found the right place to begin this process!

foreverlilac wrote:I am so glad I found this site. I am a 26 year woman who unfortunated was sexually abused 3 separate times at agaes 9,13,18. These traumatic events in my life all occured with men that I knew, a cousin, mother's boyfriend and aquaintance. I have always been the type of person to deal with my own problems, but truth be told, they have controlled my life more than anything. I don't trust people, especially men. I have very low self esteem and I hate having a low sense of value for myself. No matter how I try to improve myself, both personally and physically, I still don't feel beautiful. I feel people can see my ugly secrets and they make me feel so uncomfortable.
I am hoping this site will help me meet other women and/or men who definitely understand the effects sexual abuse has on you, especially when you endure it as a child. I hoping to just get some support to help become a survivor and not a victim anymore

Hi foreverlilac, I love the smell of lilacs.

I, too was abused at 2 or 3 and at 9 twice by a friend of the family and mother's boyfriend until 18 years old.

Abuse is abuse, the story may differ, the colors may change, but the saddest part is how many abusers there are all over.

Age does not end the problems, I am the elder on this site I believe.

I had to overcome a trust issue just a couple weeks ago, it hurt like hell and I tried not to beat myself up, I claimed that it was my problem. I cried, got angry, breathed, made myself understand that it was an issue come to heal me. I stayed away from who I felt had hurt me, but it was in my head, my imagination. Now I can talk to the people involved because they would not understand if I tried to explain.

My long term side effect of the abuse is insomnia. My mother's boyfriend usually woke me at night to commit his sin. I can fall asleep in the chair, but soon as I touch the pillow, I am awake. I even spoke to him, especially (he is deceased) to let him know what he did to me, I just told him off. I use affirmations, colors, oils, and being out in nature, by the ocean to help me.

I have overcome many of the problems but it takes work, consistency, honesty, and this site to share and get more insight.

Do not give up my dear. Be glad that you are getting help so young, I did not tell anyone until I was 35 yrs or so. But oh my God, I upset the applecart, most of my family went to a quiet space and we still do not talk openly about it. I had to tell it to survive.

Love/Peace, santacruz1997