The Model Person

My confession would be that I became the model person or athlete. Great grades in school, professional work place within a Rehabilitation setting, Part of the Treatment Team. AllState basketball player, college basketball player, very social within the community but after all that plays out....I always end up back where I started. Like none of those titles, work or anything matters. With all that I've accomplish I still feel like I should be living on the streets and I'm still looking up porn or checking listings for where prostitutes may dwell. There is never any action towards making it happen...referring to the prostitutes because of my fear of my wife leaving and I would instantly be kicked out and I have a 5 year old child. The point is, my thought pattern is very hard to change. I never feel successful.

You are in the right place. Many sexual abuse survivors put on a mask and sort of go through the motions of what society says is a "model" citizen, yet are still suffering inside. The good news is, you are not crazy or abnormal. You are a man trying to copewith this best way he knows how like so many of us sexual abuse survivors. I like to remind sexual abuse survivors to give thanks that you survived the abuse because many either went institutionally insane or died at the hands of their perpetrators. However, I do hear you. At this point, you want to do more than survive. You want to thrive beyond the abuse and be authentically happy. You want to feel worthy of your accomplisments and move beyond your current coping mechanisms....With that said, let me first applaud you for recognizing what you need help with...Sexual abuse survivors suffer from a victim mentality because they were victimized at such an early age. As a result, we have trouble with self-esteem/self-worth issues, and it becomes easy to create a double life. It also (as you know) becomes very difficult to control your thought patterns. I struggled with this for YEARS...Long story short, I didn't know how to change my thoughts and heal until I met a wholistic practitioner that showed me how. I'm giving you the really short answer to your situation, because it's actually a step by step process. But, try reading books like the "Power of the Subconscious Mind" and "You Can Heal Your Life" and also consider trying hypnotherapy (including self hypnosis) as well as a holistic therapies like EFT or Amanae. Both work really well and fast to help sexual abuse survivors heal and change their thought pattern. You can Google both, or check out posts from our group member DivineSplendor who specializes in EFT...If all of this sounds foreign to you, don't worry. Sometimes we have to step out on a limb & try new things if we REALLY want to heal. I know it worked for me and I highly recommend it to other survivors.

Moving forward wrote:My confession would be that I became the model person or athlete. Great grades in school, professional work place within a Rehabilitation setting, Part of the Treatment Team. AllState basketball player, college basketball player, very social within the community but after all that plays out....I always end up back where I started. Like none of those titles, work or anything matters. With all that I've accomplish I still feel like I should be living on the streets and I'm still looking up porn or checking listings for where prostitutes may dwell. There is never any action towards making it happen...referring to the prostitutes because of my fear of my wife leaving and I would instantly be kicked out and I have a 5 year old child. The point is, my thought pattern is very hard to change. I never feel successful.