HEalin fAster

:] CONFESSION:

I haven't been trying to heal from my abuse correctly.
mostly because i'm very impatient.
i just want the process to come faster.
and it seems like nothing is working.
i wish that my mindset could just be altered all together.

Yes, my dear I know what you mean and I have found that I cry, beg, plea, scream to God, why are you taking so long?

Sometimes, you get an answer to the pain or whatever right away and you will forget that you ever had the problem.

Everyone has their own time line, I have worked on myself continually since 1966, felt like giving up many, many times, but we cannot give up.

I am alone because I choose to be, do not have to have someone beating me up physically or mentally abusing me, but it took so many broken hearts to get it. I got tired of calling my friends crying once again and it takes me along time to get over someone, so most people get sick of hearing about it, smile.

That is just one example of an answer to prayer.

The more you know and learn about who you are, wonderfully, change will come. Do not compare yourself to anyone in looks, accomplishments, or talents, there will always be someone better or less than we.

You saw Tyler Perry's story on Oprah's, just looking at him, you would never know all those things happened to him, right?

Look up the word "patience" and start from there. You are on the right track, keep giving all your efforts to your wellness.

Peace, Santacruz

thanks , you definatly have a wa with words. patience is so hard, but ill start with that and changing my mindset.


Another subject ,: d you know good way that i could tell a family member about my abuse?. i'm just coming to relize how much power this boy , man(now) has had overmy life , my mind and my soul.

Yes, patience is a BIG issue for sexual abuse survivors. You're not alone. I went through the same feelings. And find that even now I'll become impatient with certain areas of my life when I am not fully taking care of my emotional health. However, I'll answer your question two ways,\: patience comes with time, as you progress with certain healing steps. Great book to get is "The Courage to Heal" by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis. However, (you'll hear me repeat this alot on this board), I'm a FIRM believer in holistic energy techniques for recovery because for some people these techniques can speed up the recovery process SIGNIFICANTLY. I can send you some more info on it if you e-mail me at: colemansylvia@hotmail.com. Put "blacksurvivors" in the subject line....Regarding your other question, be sure to first ask yourself why you want to tell your family. This is VERY important because it could influence the outcome of telling. Do you want to tell so that they can come to your support? Do you think that telling will help you heal quicker? Do you think that they will confront the perpetrator for you? I pose these questions to you not to discourage you, but to prepare you. When I teach my "Healing from Sexual Abuse" classes, I usually ask this of participants and advise them to be clear about their expectations & to be prepared for ANY possible outcome good or bad. To do that, I would advise FIRST going to a therapist or support group first so that they can help you prepare because sometimes if it doesn't go according to what you hope for, this situation could re-traumatize you and you definitely want to have the support of your therapist or support group to prevent that from happening. However, the outcome could be VERY positive. Either way, some sexual abuse survivors ask their family members to come to their therapy session so that the therapist is there when they tell. For many, this is very comforting and supportive and also the therapist can help you respond to all the questions and reactions your family will have.

wonderfully wrote:thanks , you definatly have a wa with words. patience is so hard, but ill start with that and changing my mindset.


Another subject ,: d you know good way that i could tell a family member about my abuse?. i'm just coming to relize how much power this boy , man(now) has had overmy life , my mind and my soul.

This is Santacruz and I was offline for awhile, all different health problems attacking me, moving from one part of my body to the other, whew, glad that I feel better now.

I did not see your last question on Oct. 21st re: telling a family member.

I don't tell anyone to do what I did, we are all different. All my abusers are dead.

I told my family around my late 30's. I had only told my lady therapist. I did not talk much then either.

Most of them hate the abuser because he was acting in a step father role and many people hate abusers and wish them all dead or put away somewhere.

Some people know and accept them, many of the abusers are our family members, friends, etc.

I still have not had a deep talk with the ones that were abused by him and I hate to think how many that may be.

Sometimes, it is a no win situation to talk to folks that cannot handle it. You may not get the answers you are looking for and they cannot help it. Everyone comes from their own mindset.

I have come to believe that sexual abuse of a young person is just incomprehensible or impossible to believe that someone would find pleasure in a child.

It happened to me and the more I try to wrap my mind around it, I don't understand it on a human level, folks that never experienced it probably don't try to analyze it.

You may find family members receptive and be lucky to have someone that you can talk to about it.

Like the Administrator suggested going to a Sexual Abuse Survivor group will probably give you the insight and freedom to discuss the intimate details to give peace to your heart and soul.

I went to Al-Anon for 16 years and I still use the tools that I was taught, grateful that I went.

I have been blessed or cursed to understand the abuser. I only know that if he or any of them were living, would never touch me again.

Here and I guess, all over I see men that like younger women, lots younger than I and to me it is another form of abuse. I get no attention now like I did when I was a child up to 18 years, sad isn't it?

Hopefully, there are some grown men that will prefer age, knowledge, insight, and gray hair over youth, good looks and some knowledge, smile.

NEVER GIVE UP!

Santacruz