Leaning but standing

Hi all,

Not easy to talk about, but at least it's easy to talk to strangers who will not judge. I was molested when I was young. Nobody knows. That is just the tip of my issues. I'm not a predator, and I would never do what was done to me. I see others aren't so lucky. You never realize how things will affect you until you get down the road. After reading your site, I realized how screwed up I am. It was an eye opener.

Hello Friend428,
First let me welcome you to the Black Survivors forum. I'm glad that you took the step to find us and introduce yourself. Secondly, let me say to you that it can get better. We are hear to assist you in your personal journey to heal. I don't want you to feel discouraged in any kind of way or feel as if you are "screwed up". This forum is here to assist you and others that have experienced sexual abuse speak freely and openly about what happened to them and to receive feedback that will guide them towards their healing journey.

I can tell you from being a sexual abuse victim to now a sexual abuse survivor, that if you have it in your mind that things won't get better, then it won't. But you have it in YOUR power to be a survivor! Yes, it may be easier said than done, but it CAN BE DONE! I ENCOURAGE you to change your tone from "I realized how screwed up I am" to: YES, I HAVE EXPERIENCED SOME UNJUSTIFIABLE CIRCUMSTANCES IN MY LIFE BUT I HOLD MY HEAD HIGH AND KNOW THAT MY HEALING JOURNEY IS BEGINNING! The last thing you want to do is get down on yourself. Stay strong, seek some professional assistance, & Trust in a Higher Power. These three things helped me in my healing process and I feel they can help you in yours.

I encourage you to continue to use this forum to release your feelings if this is how you feel comfortable doing so. One of the first steps in healing is being able to express your feelings and this is a great place to do that until you are ready to go the next step.

We are here for you!

UniqeVizunz

I thank you for your encouraging words. This is a big step for me. Understand, when I say I'm screw up, from my point of view, I felt normal and everyone else was the problem. I know this is not true after reading many of the posts. Now that I understand I have an issue or two, I can really sit down and ask the tough questions that I would never have asked myself before. I believe examining one self and asking why to you answer that question is one way to get you unstuck. I'm starting this process and will need some insight from the other survivor out there. I post my story in share later. I just wanted to let you know, that it is ok, for me to say it as I see it. I have to own it before I can let it go once and for all. Now I can move on in the right direction.

Friend428,

Because you can never change the past I will always speak things into your future. It is my sincere hope that now as your eyes open, and you see your world differently you realize how many of us are out there, and living with these secrets everyday. I also want you to take note of those who are thriving despite what we've experienced. By the time I was 15 I was a 3 time survivor of sexual abuse, and in a relationship that was verbally and physically abusive. 20 years later I look back on the abuse, and I can smile, knowing that those are the same situations that pushed me to become the woman I am today. And I love that woman...It took me a long time to say that. My hope is that you will come to see yourself the way God sees you. You are one of His greatest creations.

For years I wouldn't look in the mirror. I'm trying to see myself like that but it's not easy. Lots of verbal abuse in my formative years to get over. Sometimes I wonder who I would have become if it had not happen. But that foolish thinking. I deal with what is and not what could be. Thanks for the encouragement.

I know it's hard, but that's what makes it so important. I was abused by my step-father, and my mother knew...She blamed me for it then, and still lives in denial today. As a young woman my self-esteem was ruined. If my own mother couldn't or wouldn't protect me, and placed the desires of her sick husband above mine what was I really worth? I struggled witt that question for years, allowing others to use me, expecting to be treated like something to be thrown away. I had no value. Or at least I thought I didn't. I had to learn that I couldn't expect to find my value in the way others treated me. I began to learn my value, and once I knew that I had a purpose, gifts, and talents, everything began to change. I'm not saying you will follow the same path, I am saying your life is important, and your purpose is waiting for your discovery. You are valuable...

I sit on the sideline as life passes by. I want to get passed stuck and move on. This is very helpful and I do feel a change happening. I also feel the fear. I take it one step at a time.

Fear will come. Expect it, embrace it, and move forward in spite of it. That is the true meaning of courage, doing it afraid. Let me ask you...What ideas or thoughts are creating the fear?

Good question. Answer - Real world in Vegas. Last spring, there was an episode where one of the roommates had a secret. He fell in love with one of the girls and it seemed to be going somewhere until, his secret was discovered by his girlfriend's mother who emailed her the discovery. Then another one of the roommates was kicked off and called back to tell of his discovery. Dustin, the individual who had the secret, walked in the roommates gave him he cold shoulder and he knew they knew. It was like watching a trainwreck in slow motion. The long and short of it all was how he was judged and rejected. Now he done some stuff, from what I hear, but it was a long time ago and had no bearing on him as a person now. He was judged and kicked to the curve. I fear that thou I never did anything like that ever.