I'm Christina

I am 31 with 3 children and was sexually abused at 7/8 by my brother, I was too young to know what was happening and thought it was normal because it happened so often. I feel so alone and unworthy of having the normal life I dream of everyday. I am sllllllooooowwwwwly trying to become the strong confident black woman that I long to be. I dont even talk to brother and I'm feeling more depressed since he moved into a section of my mother's home, which is I live and I so uncomfortable and cautious and dont want him around my daughter.
My question is should I tell my family what happened?

My dear, I do not know what to tell you. I told my family in my 40s, but this disease is so devious. It is hard for the mind to comprehend, but most hate the offender, would like him dead and he is dead.

I would talk with a therapist if you have one and listen to your intuition, that gut feeling that knows what to do. But you must be prepared for the responses.

I watched my deceased husband/others all the time because I did not want the abuse to happen to my own children, some men and women never would abuse a child, but you may never get over that "looking for gestures, looking for something that would tell you it is happening."

But, I, when asked by my mother about two abusers, told her no, because it felt good and I thought it was my fault. I regret that up until today.

Having listened to many confessions by men, old and young, that have abused, many do not think it is wrong, meaning they have no idea the far reaching effects of what they do until they get help.

I have found that distance helped me get stronger. Please keep searching for a good therapist or group and get the feelings out.

For me personally, my not telling anyone made me avoid hugging, holding my children, maybe because I was afraid I might abuse them, I never did, but I robbed them of a mother they needed. Now, with getting help, we are mending, healing, it may take awhile.

Just don't give up!

ladynoble1

Hello Christina,

Let me first welcome you to the site. I want to respond to your question. First, let me say the decision to tell is a very personal one. I assume you've played each scenario in your head time and time again. However, you never truly know how people will react. If you don't have the ability to remove you and your child from the environment consider a couple things before you make your decision...

1) Once you tell, what would you like to happen?
2) What if your family does not react the way you expect them to? Are you ready to deal with

How will these things impact your life? As you can see I'm not going to tell you whether to tell or not, but I do want you to have a bit more clarity about the situation so you can make a more informed decision.

You dream of becoming a strong, confident, black woman, but know that you are already that woman. You just have to recognize her in the mirror. That may take some time, but she's there...she's in there.

Has anything changed since your last post?

Hell to the yes! We are only as sick as our secrets. Get well for your kid's sake if not your own.