The first but not the last...

My mother was young and had lots of jobs when I was younger. To keep a roof over our head and save money the neighbor, her highschool, friend and her husband would babysit me. I hated going over there b/c her husband was cruel to me. He called me ugly, a whore and many other names. I was in second grade at that the time. One day I had a toy that my mother had brought for me and to hide it (b/c he always took things from me) I put it in my shirt. He told his wife that I was a theft and ripped my shirt and drug me into the bathroom. After awhile his wife found out and she told my mom she could not keep me. My mother accused me of being bad and beat me. She wouldn't talk to me b/c she was upset that she would loose her job. So I begged his wife to let me stay over and that I would be good. Everyday I did something wrong or looked the wrong way and got a "beating" in the bathroom. When my mother got a better job I didn't have to go back but he found other ways to get me. He accused me of kissing a neighborhood boy and threaten to tell my mother if I didn't come give him a kiss. I didn't, and til this day my family thinks I was loose in the second grade. They moved before the year was out. But later it was somebody else.
My mother got a new job and I stayed with my aunt and uncle for the weekends. My uncle (married in) was a wild man who cheated on my aunt and she just took it. As soon as my mother dropped us off she would leave to go shopping. Everyday he took us to the park and we'd eat our sandwiches and play games. The park was in the backyard of the condo's so ppl could see us. One day he told me I was prettier than my sister and he touched my hair. I got up from the picnic table and ran to the house. I looked back and he was right on me. I froze and peed on myself. He just laughed and told me to go to my aunt so she could clean me up. The next day we went back to the park. He told my sister to leave and go back to the house. He grabbed me and pushed my head down on the picnic table so that my back was to him. He pulled down my pants and rubbed his private on my butt. I screamed and cried. He called me a d**k tease and threw me on the grass. I ran and hid in the closet until my aunt came home. I never told her but I always stayed under her and cried whenever she left. One weekend my mother had to work so she dropped my sister and I off at my aunts house. My uncle ignored me all weekend until sunday night. He came downstairs to the sofa bed and grabbed me off. I was too scared to scream but I heard myself whimper. He took me back to the closet, my "safe haven" and raped me from the back. The next few times I had come over to their house I had been to counselling twice already. He continued to rape me but made fun of how out of it I seemed. I was failing school because I cried the whole day. My teacher was the one who sent me to the school psychologist. She called my mom after I had given her many different lies. She told my mom that she thought someone had molested me. At first my mom tried to get me to talk to her but after a while she just told the family I had issues and not to believe anything I said. She began to handle me like a frail old lady and call me weird to her friends. I don't know if it was her coping style or not but she'd call me into the room with her friends and laugh at how "flaky" I was. She didn't know it but she told me right then and there that I could never talk to her. It wasn't until this year in June that I really talked to her. She acted as if I told her the news was on. Then she changed the subject to how she was in a similar situation and how it didn't bother her b/c it happened when she was four. For years I thought she really thought I was lying but when I was telling her she was so anxious to cut me off and change the topic. I knew she knew I was telling the truth. Why she did nothing to help me I don't know. She would take my sister to the doctor about any ailment but I'd have to pass a series of questions: Are you sure? Why do you need to go now? iwent to the doctor when I was 17 years old- my first time. I am not mad at her though. I am not mad at anyone. I just feel lost.

Hi Freckledface,
Thank you for having the courage to share your story. It's not easy, but the great thing about this group is that it's a place where you can get validation and support from those who understand especially when it's challenging to get it from the family members we need most. Rarely is there a such thing as "just one" sexual abuse survivor in a family, as you saw was the case with your mom. Unfortunately, because of the shame and secrecy about this issue, many parents (even ones with good intentions) fail to protect and help their own children from perpetrators. I'm not justifying their behavior. However, sometimes, as we open up about what happen to us and continue to work on our own healing, we give other family members the courage to face their past. But they must face their own past of the trauma before they can be of any help to you. Right now, however, it is important to do what you are doing now: which is focusing on you and your own recovery.

Sylvia
Administrator

Freckledface wrote:My mother was young and had lots of jobs when I was younger. To keep a roof over our head and save money the neighbor, her highschool, friend and her husband would babysit me. I hated going over there b/c her husband was cruel to me. He called me ugly, a whore and many other names. I was in second grade at that the time. One day I had a toy that my mother had brought for me and to hide it (b/c he always took things from me) I put it in my shirt. He told his wife that I was a theft and ripped my shirt and drug me into the bathroom. After awhile his wife found out and she told my mom she could not keep me. My mother accused me of being bad and beat me. She wouldn't talk to me b/c she was upset that she would loose her job. So I begged his wife to let me stay over and that I would be good. Everyday I did something wrong or looked the wrong way and got a "beating" in the bathroom. When my mother got a better job I didn't have to go back but he found other ways to get me. He accused me of kissing a neighborhood boy and threaten to tell my mother if I didn't come give him a kiss. I didn't, and til this day my family thinks I was loose in the second grade. They moved before the year was out. But later it was somebody else.
My mother got a new job and I stayed with my aunt and uncle for the weekends. My uncle (married in) was a wild man who cheated on my aunt and she just took it. As soon as my mother dropped us off she would leave to go shopping. Everyday he took us to the park and we'd eat our sandwiches and play games. The park was in the backyard of the condo's so ppl could see us. One day he told me I was prettier than my sister and he touched my hair. I got up from the picnic table and ran to the house. I looked back and he was right on me. I froze and peed on myself. He just laughed and told me to go to my aunt so she could clean me up. The next day we went back to the park. He told my sister to leave and go back to the house. He grabbed me and pushed my head down on the picnic table so that my back was to him. He pulled down my pants and rubbed his private on my butt. I screamed and cried. He called me a d**k tease and threw me on the grass. I ran and hid in the closet until my aunt came home. I never told her but I always stayed under her and cried whenever she left. One weekend my mother had to work so she dropped my sister and I off at my aunts house. My uncle ignored me all weekend until sunday night. He came downstairs to the sofa bed and grabbed me off. I was too scared to scream but I heard myself whimper. He took me back to the closet, my "safe haven" and raped me from the back. The next few times I had come over to their house I had been to counselling twice already. He continued to rape me but made fun of how out of it I seemed. I was failing school because I cried the whole day. My teacher was the one who sent me to the school psychologist. She called my mom after I had given her many different lies. She told my mom that she thought someone had molested me. At first my mom tried to get me to talk to her but after a while she just told the family I had issues and not to believe anything I said. She began to handle me like a frail old lady and call me weird to her friends. I don't know if it was her coping style or not but she'd call me into the room with her friends and laugh at how "flaky" I was. She didn't know it but she told me right then and there that I could never talk to her. It wasn't until this year in June that I really talked to her. She acted as if I told her the news was on. Then she changed the subject to how she was in a similar situation and how it didn't bother her b/c it happened when she was four. For years I thought she really thought I was lying but when I was telling her she was so anxious to cut me off and change the topic. I knew she knew I was telling the truth. Why she did nothing to help me I don't know. She would take my sister to the doctor about any ailment but I'd have to pass a series of questions: Are you sure? Why do you need to go now? iwent to the doctor when I was 17 years old- my first time. I am not mad at her though. I am not mad at anyone. I just feel lost.