How can you do it to your baby girl ... Why would you do it to your baby girl?

Well it all happen when I was 5 yrs old, my father was the one who molested me first! before all this I thought my mother was the evil one because she beat me all the time. I loved my father to death! I thought he was my best friend ,I trusted him I told him every thing .That is intill the day he turned into a MONSTER!He had a cold way of raping me he would feed my my favorite snack,let lay in his bed and watch Tom and Jerry, wait intill i went to sleep then rape me! When he noticed that I was waking up he would tell me that if I told anyone what he was doing to me he would kill me and my mother .You know the crazy part even though my mom beat the mess out of me I thought I was really protecting her! He did this to me for about 2yrs before anybody start paying any attention,I was so raw between my legs that I would cry when I had to use the bathroom sometimes I would even pee on myself.I kept this secret untill I had to get a check up . I had a male doctor and he asked me to remove my underwear and I freaked out all I remember thinking was

please not him too!

Anyway they noticed I was acting strange and told my mother that i have been touched and took me to the police station. My mother put on this major act ,and then went home and chased my dad around for a minute then the army police came and took him to a V.A. hospital. Then after 4 or 5 months he was back home and I had to respect him like nothing never happened, and this was just a big family secret up untill now!

Hi and Welcome!
Thank you for having the courage to share your story. I know I asked the same question as an adult trying to figure out why my brother and my cousin had committed this act against me. One thing that helped me alot besides therapy was doing alot of reading on sexual abuse, which may sound strange, but i really needed to understand what goes on inside the mind of a family member to do something like this and amazingly, I discovered 1) I was not alone 2) I began to understand it wasn't my fault. A great book to start with is, "The Courage to Heal."

Sylvia
Site Administrator

natikla wrote:Well it all happen when I was 5 yrs old, my father was the one who molested me first! before all this I thought my mother was the evil one because she beat me all the time. I loved my father to death! I thought he was my best friend ,I trusted him I told him every thing .That is intill the day he turned into a MONSTER!He had a cold way of raping me he would feed my my favorite snack,let lay in his bed and watch Tom and Jerry, wait intill i went to sleep then rape me! When he noticed that I was waking up he would tell me that if I told anyone what he was doing to me he would kill me and my mother .You know the crazy part even though my mom beat the mess out of me I thought I was really protecting her! He did this to me for about 2yrs before anybody start paying any attention,I was so raw between my legs that I would cry when I had to use the bathroom sometimes I would even pee on myself.I kept this secret untill I had to get a check up . I had a male doctor and he asked me to remove my underwear and I freaked out all I remember thinking was

please not him too!

Anyway they noticed I was acting strange and told my mother that i have been touched and took me to the police station. My mother put on this major act ,and then went home and chased my dad around for a minute then the army police came and took him to a V.A. hospital. Then after 4 or 5 months he was back home and I had to respect him like nothing never happened, and this was just a big family secret up untill now!